This morning while doing my research, I stumbled upon an interesting quote, "Women care more about getting married than being married."
It sent my mind racing and then it occurred to me that there might actually be some truth to it. Here's why I think so.
In my quest for knowledge, I've actively pursued interactions with both men and women on various topics including relationships and marriage; with every interaction extends the horizons of my thought and some patterns coming off common.
With women, getting married for many is a box that they have to tick on a checklist. This is due to several factors such as conditioning, pop-culture, social pressure, shear interest in the idea of marriage (which is totally fine), among others.
Every other wedding these women attend sends them into intense visualizations of their own. Some admit to shed tears not because they're happy for the couple but because they're picturing themselves walking down the aisle.
Some other women also have their wedding dress, rings, venues and all the fine details figured out.
Again, for clarity, this is not bad, but I feel like many get off on the wrong foot due to obsessing over the wedding and putting all their fantasies to life that they forget the marriage that follows. They go through ridiculous amounts of thoughts over 8 hours and barely any about the rest of their lifetime that follows thereafter.
Some women have their wedding together in their head before they've figured themselves out as a person or even found a suitable partner.
I've heard some say that the wedding photos have to be great and lovely to look back to, which I don't object but how many are half as obsessed with developing their character, skill set, self love, finance, and everything else they'll bring to the table.
Let's take emotional intelligence as an example. If you're mind broke from the perspective of emotional intelligence, haven't put in any effort to improve this situation and get into an argument with your spouse but have poor communication & resolving skills, does pulling out a beautiful wedding photo have it solved? No
If you need to run a business together but have no applicable skills whatsoever, do you pull out wedding photos? Probably not.
If you guys need to put a meal together but neither of you can cook, do you pull out your favorite wedding photo? Again, No.
So why the obsession with just a few hours?
Why sentence oneself to an intentional wedding but accidental marriage?
Sometimes, women get too desperate to get married so any man that shows up seems suitable and he's forced to play dress up to fit into this lifelong character she's had in her mind.
Several women also believe and are conditioned to believe that bringing female genitalia to the table will sustain their marriage but sex is definitely not glue. It could pass as one of the key elements that keep you together but there's more to life. Sex lasts a few minutes or hours in a 24hr day. Shit gets real outside that.
Why don't we prepare ourselves better for marriages regardless of the wedding details?
Are we practicing forgiveness in our daily lives?
Are we practicing honesty?
Are we practicing respect?
Are we intentionally improving our skillset?
Are we improving our financial habits like saving & investing?
Are we practicing commitment at all levels?
The words "I DO" out of fantasy may seem like magic words but (according to all married people I've interacted with and/or read about) the honeymoon phase of all relationships & marriages wears off.
If we channeled even half as much energy, money, emotions & intent towards improving ourselves at both individual and relationship levels, then I believe we'd definitely improve our odds of having successful (not flawless) marriages.
Of-course men have a role in this as well. I'm only writing about the common obsession of weddings among women which often makes them walk blindfolded into marriages.
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Very great piece. Gives one alot to reflect on before taking this big step. I appreciate this post. Well done ????????????
I've read this after almost a year it was written ???? Great piece I must say, answered many questions that beat my understanding