The Age Of Sures

May 26th, 2019 / Hillary K Bainny
| Lets stop Slut-shaming

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Try being a woman who says, “I really love sex.” People will hear and make all sorts of assumptions and judgments. They might call you a hundred variations of slut or whore. They will look at you like you're totally a Low-life.

This week, we woke up to the controversial SURE LIST… In this age of #TimesUp #MeToo, when it seems we’re celebrating feminism more than ever, why are people still tearing women down over their sexuality or Sex lives?

Today, slut shaming is way too common an occurrence. The unfortunate bit, is that oftentimes, the perpetrator is a fellow female! It’s so common that the term, "Slut-shaming" is in the Oxford Dictionaries, defined as: “The action or fact of stigmatizing a woman for engaging in behaviour judged to be promiscuous or sexually provocative.”

Meanwhile, if a man says he loves sex, it doesn't matter what he looks like. The response is more like, "well, duh!" Men are expected to love sex and can even be bullied if they don't.

The SURE LIST, is an example of Slut-shaming. It is also very unfortunate that we live in a part of the world, where, women who initiate the first move are called different names. As a result, women have resorted to using coy means of making their intentions known to the men when they have the urge to get physical.

Feminism for so many young women I know is about Choice!! How many of our sisters really have the choice to do what they want, when they travel to work or go to homes as domestic help, attend dinner parties or hang out with friends?

How much choice are our sisters freely exercising if they get assaulted, harassed, sexually debased and some cases, even abused?

The word "slut": is arguably the most profane slur used against women, and yet it's nearly impossible to define.

The one thing we do know about "slut" is that it's the last thing a woman should want to be. It is also the last thing any of us would want to hear our sisters referred to as. So what makes one a slut? It seems that the only hard and fast rule is that you have to be a woman.

Men, of course, are immune; absent, really from the frenzy of concern. For instance, a study out of the University of Michigan showed that teen girls who "sext" are called sluts while boys who do the same remain free - from judgement.

There's a big fat stigma surrounding sex and a woman's pleasure.

Growing up, it was common to hear men praise girls in the beginning, ask them out... only to call them ugly bitches or stupid sluts as soon as they don't do exactly what they,men want the girls to do or after the sex.

Whoever came up with the controversial "Sure list" had sex with the very girls on the list, or heard stories about them, praised them at a point, only to later Slut-shame them. Very Shameful.

When men slut shame, it’s a complete double standard. Men are allowed to be obvious with their sexuality, but God forbid a woman does the same. Men who aren’t sex positive and are serial slut-shamers will label a woman who’s had more than one sexual partner as a slut, whore, or whatever other hurtful word they decide to use.

On the other hand, men can brag about their “number” and be praised for having a high one!

Women not only have to fear stigma from men, family, and society, but also each other. It is very unfortunate that women shame each other for loving sex, or shame those who don't. When women slut shame, it’s for different reasons. Where does it stem from? Probably jealous or their own lack of self esteem.

This is very ridiculous for all women should be free to make up their own minds about sex without judgment.

The bottom line is slut shaming is harmful and damaging to the person on the receiving end. So next time you think about calling somebody a slut, even in a joking manner, stop and ask yourself why you’re doing it. What’s your motive? Think about the lifelong impact it could have on the person you’re judging.

As a sex revolutionist, i urge us all to make conscious effort to eliminate the "S-word" from our vocabulary.

Share with us your thoughts.

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    Diana May 27th, 2019


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    Vivian May 27th, 2019

    Amazing and thank you

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    Patience Poni Ayikoru May 27th, 2019

    I totally agree with you! We live in a generation where what seemed moral then... Is now immoral today. Like the times when men hated women for not submitting to them. Calling them selfish and sluts. Now that the girls have the cause and give in the sex

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    King Nina May 27th, 2019

    The last three paragraphs are captivating.

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    Patience May 27th, 2019

    Beautiful piece

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    Kimberly May 27th, 2019

    This will probably be one of my favourite.