We can, And Yes indeed, We need to change our Attitudes Towards SEX.
I’ve made some trips to the U.S. and I’d say the main difference is that in Uganda we are not so straightforward. We are so consumed with these dating rituals; Sex is treated as a taboo, we can not just start with sex! And then, if the sex was good enough or we feel connected somehow, then we try to build a relationship.
Sex on the “first Date” is considered a Taboo. In my conversation with a one Abraham (not real name), he had this to say, “If a girl has sex with me on the first date, she won’t hear from me again. That is the test i do on the first date.”
Absolutely! This should not even be an issue because there is no date. There is just first sex. You think someone is attractive, you give it a try. I think it really makes sense. (Of course I say that, because I’m woke, right?) But if you don’t have sex first, you build up too much pressure. You start thinking, I have seen this guy for four or five restaurant dates, what if it fails? If you get sex out the way first, then you can only have good surprises.
In my interaction with one American lady, who had been to Uganda before she had this to say, There were so many dates with this guy i met in Uganda and it was taking so much time. At some point I just felt like, Ahhh! Stop it, are you going to kiss me? Are we going to your place? My place? Do something! I felt like I was investing a lot of time in something that might not be worth it anyway.
There is need to create a culture, which is so sexually free. One will then ask, “How about our morals and values?” In my honest opinion, we don’t connect sex with ethics or morality or values in general, you know? There is no better study about values and morals than how the American people, especially the Evangelicals, don’t care about the sex life of their president, or if a person is unfaithful. It’s absolutely not a problem for me. Now, if my girlfriend and I have an agreement, that’s important. But I actually see a lot of my friends who are a bit older than me, maybe 26 or 30, who are always renegotiating the boundaries of their relationship. And a lot of them are okay with being unfaithful, as long as you don’t say it. It’s actually quite old-fashioned, as if we’re in the Victorian era, and your husband or your wife is the person you share children, a house, and money with, but for passion or a bit of adventure, you go elsewhere.
The couple is not the place for adventure. It’s the place where you want to feel safe and watch Game of Thrones.
Sex has long been mistaken by many as being intimate and sacred, which is very wrong. When we have sex with someone, we are not sharing real intimacy. We share intimacy when we talk about our childhood; when we are sick and someone takes care of us. If it’s just kissing or spreading my legs, our emotional involvement is almost zero.
It’s so different what you do on the first night, then the second one. It’s like being a virgin again. I think you are a virgin every time you have sex with someone. On the first night, you’re just showing that you are a good person, that you aren’t going to kill anyone. You’re just showing that you’re safe and nice and honest, so it’s very standard: You kiss, then you touch, then you take off the clothes, then you have oral sex both ways, then penetration, and then it’s done!
And actually, the real fun starts after that. When you’re like, Okay, this guy knows what he’s doing, can we now try something a bit different? And then it starts to get funny! Then you start talking about fantasies and secrets, and that is where intimacy begins. Discovering a new person.
In conclusion, that night stand, may be the best thing to ever happen to you, and a great way to start a blossoming relationship; that is if you change your attitude towards sex.
Hillary is the Founder of hillarykbainny.com. He is also the Uganda Youth Leader to UN. He is a Debate and Speech Protagonist. He is also the Founder of Public Policy Forum Uganda. He is a Sexual Revolutionist
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Very impressive piece