Months after leaving a toxic relationship, your life has finally started to settle down. You left your emotionally abusive ex, secured a good job and moved into a new apartment/neighborhood in a leafy suburb of Kampala. You have also, completely and unexpectedly, fallen in love.
He is tall, with sharp eyes and broad shoulders. He is well-dressed, spiritually-attuned and financially stable. Sure, his hands were “a little small,” but that didn’t distract from your paranormal connection: He makes you belly-laugh, and the two of you could spend hours getting lost in conversation.
Everything is perfect. Until, suddenly, it isn’t.
The sex, at first, was totally catastrophic. You were lost for words the first time you did it - in the worst possible way.
As soon as you hit the bedroom, the dream is destroyed. He prudes your body clumsily, jerks around erratically while inside you and makes strange “chimp-like” expressions as he comes to climax.
The sex chemistry - which had been electric with your shitty ex-boyfriend is now non-existent. The sex so stale that you just feel like raising your hands up to the sky and screaming, ‘Are you fucking kidding me?!?!’”
Everything else with you two had been so amazing. You really, truly, didn’t and still don't know how to handle it.
Well, almost everyone is someone else’s ex. What this means is that there is every likelihood that you are dating someone who once had a failed romantic and sexual relationship with someone else. Of course there is nothing wrong with having an ex. Sometimes, things are just not meant to be and it’s fine to move away from those situations to better, happier ones.
However, one of the problems of moving from one relationship to the other is the (almost inevitable) issue of comparisons. It is often really difficult for people to not place their ex beside their next in comparison. It is not always intended. But it almost always happens.
One result of this is that one partner always falls short. Either in one aspect or another, it could be financially, care-wise, compatibility, communication or in the aspect of sex.
It is actually not unusual for people to move from an ex to another partner, only to find out that no matter how great the new partner is, they just can’t match up to the sexual mastery the ex had. If you ever find yourself in this situation, here are tips on what to do:
Communicate
If you have been open to sexual appetite that your new partner can’t seem to match up to, the first wise thing to do is to communicate about it.
Ideally, it is better and even advisable to have these conversations before kickstarting the relationship but if you have begun the relationship already and their performance is not matching up to their performance, you have to talk about it. You need to tell him or her what you like and how you like it, while, of course, listening to what they want and how they want it, too.
Invest effort into it and Give it Time
Don’t just talk the talk - Walk the walk. Show them how to make your wishes work. Obviously, if your partner is not meeting up with your standard sexually, it is because they don’t know how to.
To reach the level of sexual performance you want them to play from may require a bit of time and you must be willing to give it to them.
Stay away from that ex
It may not be easy, but it is what you have to do. Returning to that ex is not only disrespectful to your partner, it also lessens the amount of effort you’d want to put into making sex with your partner lit.
If you are getting it good from another source, you won’t really be bothered about fixing the faulty system you have with your boo.
If it’s not working, get out
Sex is a very important of relationships and marriages. A lack of it is cause for infidelity many times. So if your partner could never match up despite several tries and it means so much to you to always have great sex, then leaving that relationship should be on the cards for you.
Better that way, than becoming unfaithful.
Hillary is the Founder of hillarykbainny.com. He is also the Uganda Youth Leader to UN. He is a Debate and Speech Protagonist. He is also the Founder of Public Policy Forum Uganda. He is a Sexual Revolutionist
Hillary K Bainny 2024. All Rights Reserved. Designed by Buzen Technologies Co. Ltd
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