Who Pays On A Date?

January 20th, 2020 / Hillary K Bainny

| Some women Insist on paying for themselves

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Growing up, I never thought I'd ever ask myself this question. Who Pays on a Date? Interestingly, today, this happens to be a question that’s becoming more and more common among men nowadays: “Who pays on a date?"

Last year I was very clear to my whatsapp friends, especially those that have access to my Whatsapp posts. If you ask a girl out then the answer to the “who pays on a date?” question is a simple one.  It’s you. When you invite a girl on a date, it's your responsibility to take care of her. After all you want her to be able to relax and enjoy her time with you.  And that will be difficult if she’s worried about the money she’s spending.

Another reason it’s important for men to pay for a date is that it sends a clear message of your intentions.  If you have a woman split the tab with you she may no longer see this as a “date”. She may instead get the message that the two of you are nothing more than friends - And I have been clear with this, friends don't deserve this special courtesy. 

There are women you date, who may offer to pay for themselves.  She may reach for her purse and suggest once or twice that she can pay half the bill.  This may just be a courtesy, and her way of showing that you don’t have to pay for her.  But in these situations you want to tell her to put the purse away. Let her see that you want to pay for her.  That spending time with her and seeing that she is taken care of is more important than the handful of pennies you’re spending.

Though not often, once in awhile you may go on a date with a woman who absolutely refuses to let you pay for her.  If that’s the case there’s no point fighting it. Offer to pay for her but if she is really persistent about it then just split the bill.

There are some good reasons why a woman may insist on paying for herself.  Maybe she sees it as a point of pride that she can take care of herself. Maybe she doesn’t want to feel like she “owes” you anything. Or maybe she feels guilty when guys buy her things and she doesn’t want to feel that way.  If her reasoning is anything like the points mentioned above, you can actually be doing her a favor and showing you respect her values by allowing her to pay for herself.

What if she asks you on a date?

Now the question of “who pays on a date” can be a little trickier if the girl invites you out. If that’s the case you don’t necessarily have the same obligation as you would if you invited her out.  So in these instances you’re fine splitting the bill.

Of course you can always be the super-gentleman and still pay for her anyway.  Not only would that be appreciated, but it would send a clear message of your interest and desire to be more than friends.

What if it’s a more “casual” date?

Let’s say you meet for something more casual.  Like drinks at happy hour. If it’s just a laid-back get-together as opposed to a more formal date, who pays for the date then?

It’s still you.  But in these situations you’re likely to find the girl will chip in, too.  After you buy the first round of drinks many women will offer to pay for the second.  Since this is more of a casual meet-up you’re fine letting her pay for the next round.  It’s not going to send the kind of mixed message that might get sent having her pay for herself when out on a more formal date.

What if she picks the place (and it’s expensive)?

Let’s say you ask her on a date but she picks the place.  And she just so happens to pick the most expensive restaurant in town.  What then? Who pays for the date if she is the one who made it so expensive?

Rather than working out who pays on a date in this scenario you’re better off avoiding this situation entirely.  When you ask a girl on a date it should be your adventure that you are bringing her on. You want to plan where to go, what to do, how long it will be – all that stuff.  (Of course, don’t forget to take her enjoyment into consideration when picking the place/activity).

At the end of the day you want to be in the driver’s seat so all she has to do is say “yes” to whatever plan you’ve come up with.  This is a great way to approach a date because if she doesn’t have to do any planning or decision making, it’s going to be much easier for her to relax and enjoy herself.

How do you keep from going broke?

If you are going on a lot of dates (or just tight on cash) then paying for dates might seem overwhelming. 

Shall start the next article from here. 

Hillary K Bainny

Hillary is the Founder of hillarykbainny.com. He is also the Uganda Youth Leader to UN. He is a Debate and Speech Protagonist. He is also the Founder of Public Policy Forum Uganda. He is a Sexual Revolutionist

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