Would You Rather You Loved Your Partner More?

July 5th, 2022 / Hillary K Bainny
| A couple moment

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"Hillary, would you prefer it if you loved your partner more or if she loved you more?" I was asked by a colleague and friend earlier last week. It is one question that had never crossed my mind. 

Throughout life, society and the church has preached about love in relationships and the generally held view has always been - In relationships always give your best and selfless love. Love is about caring, giving and sharing Life. 

Humanity has come to the realization that we can choose and control our emotions not of others. At the worst even if you are cheated and forsaken, later you certainly emerge stronger as a person to fulfill your own life meaningfully.

In simple and categorical terms, ‘To be loved' and ‘ To love someone' - both are totally different things that have their own passion. Neither of them can be measured.

To be loved - is an amazing feeling. You blush and blossom with excitement when you know someone loves you.

The surprises, flowers, gifts, poetic words etc can make you feel so much special but if you fail to love him the way he deserves to be or thinks he deserves to be, can be painful for him and can also put you into guilt.

We can fight with anything except our own guilt.

In my world, however, I believe one never knows who loves whom more because it is an abstract feeling which is not measured with any thermometer but it is gauged by the devotions, care and acceptance of the differences.

Back to the question I was asked…. "I would prefer I loved her more. I think I would respect her much more and treat her like the queen I thought she was - when I asked her out." I responded.

To which my friend asked - "Would that not put you in a position of being the vulnerable one in the relationship? Yet as a man you are the provider and should take the lead?"

Given that it was my birthday treat - and had downed a couple of cocktails, I told my friend, that is one question I would answer while fully sober. And we both agreed to continue the conversation. 

Since then, I have asked 17 ladies the same question and they all said - "They would prefer he loved them more." 

That said - I wouldn't mind being the one who loves more as long as I am able to feel loved back for what I give. It doesn't mean to me that someone loves little or more. Love doesn't have a boundary. It is freedom. In love with freedom, you never feel less loved.

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