Marry Or Date For Purpose, Not Love

July 6th, 2019 / Hillary K Bainny
| Marry For Purpose

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Growing up, for most people in relationships, there was one big reason that stood out: Love. Today, when we think of relationships and marriage we automatically think of romantic love. We are likely to picture two people full of passion and desire for each other and the life they are about to begin.

In my honest opinion, however, if you are to get into a relationship today and later on marriage; just don’t do it for love. That may sound like a radical and cynical view, but; How many people have married for love only to divorce in anger?

People who don't marry for love in our culture are considered unlucky, suspect, manipulative, exploitative, and bad. From our societal perspective, they are either doing something wrong or there is something wrong with them.

The sad reality is that we have taken our infatuation with love too far in our personal lives. In our quest for Love idealism; an ideal that’s fed by romance novels and Hollywood films, we may have unintentionally weakened the institution of marriage.

In all honesty, if you really think about it, love is a luxury. This is why those with fewer financial resources have lower marriage rates: If you're worried about your survival or safety, you're not going to be focusing on finding the man or woman of your dreams - unless of course this dream person is your ticket out of your terrible life.

In the Holy Bible, procreation has always been a reason to marry, but up until the industrial revolution, people in the West married more for political or financial gain than for love.

Prior to the industrial revolution, divorce was incredibly rare but when love entered the picture as the reason to marry, marital dissolutions became more commonplace. Using the divorce rates numbers in the world today, it is fair to say that a significant number of lovers will not be able to maintain their vow to live together until death.

I am not saying that the "Love idealism" has no place in marriage or our relationships, however. What I am saying is that love and romance aren’t the only things that hold a union together.

The reality is, feelings do fade, and when they do fade, love wanes, the marriage and or relationship gets shaky; and when the romance stops, the nuptials die.

People whose primary reason to marry is other than love such as to have children with someone they believed would be a good co-parent, to have financial security, or for companionship; generally have longer and perhaps better marriages because their choices were made with a purpose.

Additionally, their expectations of marriage and their mates are less unrealistic. Their spouse wasn't expected to be "The One." They merely needed to be Mr. or Mrs. "Good Enough."

In a relationship that is based on a romantic love connection there are generally strong passionate and sexual components. And although the same premise for planning and partnership should be part of this union, in a marriage where love is the driving factor many feel like love is all they need and the rest will fall into place. Love conquers all, right? Well, no!! Not always.

In a marriage based on purpose or a companionship marriage you will likely recognize the partnership as a deep friendship, and have made plans together for the sharing of life’s responsibilities. Often those in a companionship marriage share a social network and mutual career objectives. The desire to have a family can also be a motivating factor, especially as people age and are seeing the window for starting a family closing.

However, it is worth noting, that LOVE is a changeable emotion. As quickly as you fall in love, you can fall out of love. Then what? Either the relationship ends or it becomes toxic. If love is your primary connection, the glue is gone.

Love does not make for a strong enough foundation. Yes, love is strong but, due to the fact that it can evaporate, it is not something that can stand alone as the basis for a long-term relationship. Anything built on a foundation of love is subject to crumbling.

In conclusion, we all crave love. Marrying or getting into a relationship for practical purposes has it benefits, but somewhere down deep we all want to be loved. And even though a deep companionship or a purpose-based relationship offers its own feelings of love and connection, they aren’t the same as romantic love. So you will need to prepare for contending with the absence of something that most people truly desire.

As a parting shot, look for a guy with vision, passion, and purpose. Don’t settle for a guy that’s just nice. Dig deeper, and figure out where he is going and where he will be taking you.

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