Of Controlling Men

July 15th, 2019 / Hillary K Bainny
| Protective or Controlling?

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You found your ideal man and now you’re married, or living together, or at least going steady. All of a sudden or gradually creeps up on you and you realize he’s controlling nearly every aspect of your life.

At first they appear to be very caring and attentive. To many women, it is flattering to get so much attention, to have someone want to make sure you get home safely after a night out, but sooner or later the reality of this situation sinks in.

Unfortunately, you get to discover that your lovely Prince Charming is not quite so charming, but is actually among that group of controlling men who not only control their own lives, but those of their women, as well.

Your Prince Charming is not really as concerned about your safety, he instead is checking up that you are actually where you told him you’d be. Even if you told him you didn’t need collecting, chances are he’ll show up anyway because “he misses or missed you and wanted to see you.”

Most of these men are obsessed with whatever happens in their partner's lives; they want to control where their partner is at every moment, with whom they speak, or what friendships they have turns into the main focus of the relationship. Despite telling him what they’re doing and where they’re at, he’ll keep trying to know it for sure. He’ll always want to confirm that what their partner said is true.

It is worth noting, that most controlling men don’t really believe they are controlling. In their minds, they’re merely helping their wives or girlfriends to “improve,” and they honestly believe that men are entitled to have things just the way they prefer them to be.

In today's liberal world, even if a woman is independent financially, for she is earning her own way, when she meets Prince Charming, she will still look to him for strength and guidance. These women also look to their Prince Charmings for love and respect. When that love turns to control, even the most submissive women can start to crack under his possessiveness. 

Controlling men enjoy their dominant role. They want the only vote in decisions affecting both him and her. They make it clear that they will not adapt any part of their behavior to suit their wife or girlfriend, but they do expect her to bow to their wishes about anything they care to have an opinion about. 

This type of man feels the world around him should bend to his needs and desires, not the other way around. Generally, possessive and controlling men persuade their partner to leave their hobbies, concerns, and friendships. They don’t want their partner to have interests they can’t control.

Even if you’re normally quite optimistic and you believe it’s possible to change someone’s beliefs and behaviors, you’re in for a letdown if you’re in a relationship with a controlling man. 

It is almost impossible to relinquish control when you’ve had the power for a long time, more so, when the other person has gone along with it, until now. Controlling behavior becomes a habit that’s as normal as getting up in the morning and brushing your teeth.

Not all women who allow men to control them are weak, misguided fools, or completely uneducated and untalented. Far from it. They usually simply grew up in a household, or in a culture, where they expected to someday hand over control of nearly every aspect of their lives to their husbands or boyfriends.

Many women, even those not involved with controlling men know what it’s like to keep their mouths closed so they can keep the peace rather than make waves over something he probably won’t agree to.

There really isn’t any point to disagreeing with controlling men because when a woman becomes uncomfortable enough to demand change from a controlling man, conflict is bound to erupt.

Your disagreement with his opinion leads to a long harangue as he attacks your intelligence, your abilities or whatever else he can think of to belittle you into silence, or else, you realize that you really only have three options: counseling, returning to the status quo or divorce.

How bad does it have to get before you say enough is enough? An abusive relationship saps your energy, strips away your dignity and can be physically dangerous to you and your family.

Unfortunately, most of the intelligent ladies I know, those I thought would stand up to their men, are in Abusive relationships, and have accepted the status quo with open arms. 

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