Does He Make You Cum?

June 30th, 2019 / Hillary K Bainny
| Sex

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If there is one question I find the epitome of entitlement, it is none other than..

Does he make you cum?

The reality is, that in this age of women empowerment, if you want orgasms, you need to work very hard at them. I think it’s fascinating that ladies are able to learn how to orgasm on their own! Ladies have so much stacked against them when it comes to exploring their pleasure, and they should be proud of taking matters in their own hands too.

It is selfish of you to, lie there staring at him with your arms and legs pointed to the four corners of the room and expect a man to penetrate you and to do all the work. It doesn't work that way anymore.

Just like I have made my opinion about sharing bills known, I don’t expect a man to pay for dinner, your transport, your hair bills and name it, that wouldn’t be fair. Any independent woman (You all love calling yourselves so, today) won’t lie back and expect good things to come to them. Go out and get them!

That said, I am all praise for a man who takes the time to find out what his woman wants and then helps her get it. I am not discounting the importance of teamwork in bed. However, I am disputing the idea that an orgasm is something that a man “gives and must give” to a woman.

Some women report that “if he doesn’t think I had an orgasm, he won’t give up, just keeps at me until I feel pressured. Sometimes I’m tired and just want to go to sleep.” Men often feel disappointed and sad if their partner doesn’t orgasm, and report feeling threatened, “not good enough,” if their partner needs to masturbate or use a vibrator to achieve orgasm.

Interestingly, recent research found that heterosexual women actually orgasm less than other women, though this can't entirely be blamed on the men, and may relate other characteristics of these women.

We need to reinvent the idea of sex as the exchanging of intimacy, trust and pleasure, to counteract the dominant "D-game rating" that fails to respect these ideals. Women have turned sex into a "Pleasure me better" contest. You must give her an orgasm, lest you have weak D-game.

An orgasm can be a really tempting goal to try to cling to when you’re feeling insecure about your sexual skills. This puts undue pressure on the man. There’s so much misinformation about female orgasm out there, so it’s likely that your partner is working with some unrealistic expectations.

Instead, I recommend that you both try to focus on each other’s pleasure. We’re capable of feeling an infinite amount of pleasure when we’re with our partners. Pleasure is also the thing that’s going to lead you to an orgasm. Orgasms don’t just appear out of nowhere. They’re the result of a build up of pleasure.

You can give your partner more feedback using your words, body language, or moans. Knowing they’re making you feel good will help boost their self esteem and help you both focus on soaking up all of that pleasure.

Lastly, being good in bed or having "good D-game", good enough that your partner has orgasms, increases the chances she will want to have sex with you again, or even that she might brag on your skills to other women.

Some research has suggested that lower-status males may care more about giving sexual pleasure, as a means to try to retain their mate through the bribe of orgasmic sex.

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